Tonight I'm sat here having abandoned a day at work due to a cold that has essentially flattened me. Over the weekend I overdid things, not only have some of the pressures of life been overtaking me but I've essentially been failing to rest. A new job, stresses at home and then a weekend spent out in the cold have all served to teach me a lesson - in order to progress, sometimes you just have to sit back a while.
There are things in my life I'm not happy with, others that I am and some halfway between. Everything takes work, the question really is whether the amount of work necessary is really worth it. Are the efforts you make the things that define you or is your identity more than just the sum of your efforts? There was a time where I could have told you exactly who I was with absolute certainty. Sadly I fear I lost that certainty somewhere and I'm only just trying to rediscover it.
Sounds deep doesn't it? Well perhaps it is. I've been needing to take stock of things for a while now, too many things have left me scared, insecure and basically burying my head in the sand because of the uncertainty. I've always known that to get to where I want to be will take commitment and effort, the real difficulty has been in defining where the destination should actually be.
Being back at work and doing something that finally feels like the kind of challenge I should be working on is fantastic. I put a vast amount of effort into winning this contract and I'm not going to stop now - I love to work hard at things that are tangible, where the fruits of my labours may actually be worth something. So few of the things I've been doing over the past few years have felt that way that I think I'm very lucky to have stumbled back into a part of my old identity.
Lots of things are going to be hard for me in the coming years. Everything will be a fight to reach my goals, but so long as I keep focus, retain the hunger and never lose sight of the strength I've always had buried inside, then I know damn well that I will get there - just watch me, I was born to fly!