living the dream

Living the dream, or should I say 'living a dream' is surprisingly hard work.

I was driving home from the gym tonight, shoulders aching like hell after once again doing too much, partially drifting away into my own little world hidden behind the pools of light in front of the car when a thought struck me - this is what living a dream is really like.

The past few weeks have been hard. Very hard. Each day I get up and have to force myself to do something. Who knows, in a few weeks I may well be back working and the stress and shame of being completely broke will be gone, but for now it hurts. I couldn't even afford to pay my aircraft insurance renewal last week, I had to beg help. This is definitely a low point.

The dream isn't glamorous. It's just plain hard work. The flying part of being a display pilot is only a tiny fraction of what it actually takes, especially when you're breaking into the airshow world. The glamour just doesn't exist - I spend my time playing with websites, gathering contact details, writing and sending hundreds of emails, drawing up flyers and logos and graphics, battling to just keep some semblance of sanity. All this time I've not even had the sanity check of flying my little beast - the process of modifying an aeroplane is a very long winded one, involving much heartache, huge amounts of expense and some very frustrating periods of waiting, and waiting and waiting some more - all whilst the powers that be try to make a decision over whether or not you should actually be allowed your modification.

To those of you that fly but have never owned an aeroplane, you may think you have an idea what it must be like but trust me, the frustrations of waiting on paperwork and engineers is barely bearable at times. I should just take the opportunity to say thanks to my friends for at least allowing me to get airborne, the sky really is a beautiful place to be, whatever craft you happen to be in.

I guess every dream has its own nightmare that has to go along with it - something about being no light without darkness. I know, I'm prattling, but in all honesty if anyone decides to try to live their dream and doesn't reckon with having to cope with a whole heap of hardship, effort and tears along the way then they're going to have a rude awakening. Just as light needs darkness, endeavours need to be difficult in order to really be worth while - why bother throwing everything you have into something if it's not going to be a challenge? Maybe it's just me, but victories are much sweeter when they're hard won.

How many other people actually do this, I mean really do this. How many choose to make a dream reality, despite huge odds stacked against them? To all of you doers and dreamers out there, I'm with you.

simple mods: petzl myo xp

Why oh why oh why can’t the big gear companies get the simple things right?

Take Petzl for example, and one of their best selling headtorches – the Myo XP. This torch is owned and used by more outdoorsy people than I care to think about because it’s powerful and effective and just works. (Ok, so there have been issues in the past with these torches, something to do with a batch with a wiring fault, but I’m not going to get into that on here – the new ones are all good as far as I know). My issues are far simpler…

The Myo is my torch of choice for pretty much everything, from night time searches, to early morning approaches to Alpine climbs, to evening descents from the Ben, to just finding stuff in the car in the dark – this torch does it all most of the time. It is however, quite a long way from perfect.

Issue 1: The on/off button is, quite frankly, rubbish. Tiny, utterly unusable with Mitts on and next to impossible with gloves, and annoyingly difficult to press if the torch is sat flush in it’s cradle. But there’s nothing I can do about that so I’ll just have to make do for now.

Issue 2: The diffuser. This is the main reason I chose the Myo actually – a good, high output luminosity, and a diffuser lens to spread the beam (great for snow descents!). I love the diffuser, I think it’s great when I’m using it, however, when I’m not using it, the thing is an utter pain in the backside. Why do I say this? After all, you just flip the thing down out of the way so what could possibly be the problem? Well, you see, the manufacturers in their infinite wisdom, failed to realise that with the lens flipped down, light from the LED gets perfectly diffracted and reflected straight down into your eyes through the little lever knob bit on the diffuser…utterly utterly naff!

Anyway, whilst I can’t do much about the aggravation caused by Issue 1, I have taken a simple, yet effective step to eliminate Issue 2:

 

Matt black enamel paint. Simple, doesn’t void the warranty, and it works! No more glare in the eyes for me! It will be interesting to see how long the paint stays on there before I have to recoat it, but for the short term I’m one happy bunny and highly recommend this little modification to all Myo users – go to it!

life

I’ve not felt like writing much recently, there are too many things on my mind, and too much of life just seems to be getting in the way of living.

My home is gone, one month on I am still living in a caravan on the driveway waiting in limbo for a ethereal insurer to save us. Slowly I’m losing my grip on hope, one day salvation will come, but meanwhile the descending spiral of woes both real and imagined hasn’t even begun to slow.

Morbid thoughts have been clouding my mind after my involvement with the recent flooding as a SAR ‘observer’. My mother has been in intensive care after a severe infection and emergency operations, and with her and my longsuffering father all my remaining strength and positivity are invested.

I’ve been flying and failed to concentrate, failed to be caught in the inexorable grip of the G-forces we court when flying aerobatics, failed to immerse myself in the fight and just ended up feeling sick and despondent, this is not like me.

I’ve been to Scotland to attempt to climb, and been repulsed by the weather and avalanche risk, yet another unsuccessful trip to stir the soul into desolation.

A whole host of other things are also battling to drag my mind down to within sight of the bottom, yet somehow the light is still there shining above me and I can’t let that go.

I was successful at a job interview last week and will be heading off for a week of training next week with Ofcom – I will be working at the Olympic games in 2012 as an Venue Engineer (running radio investigation) – a chance of a lifetime and an experience I’m really excited about being given the opportunity to have. The interview gave me the chance to talk about who I am and what I’m capable of, showed me once more that I’m skilled and capable as an engineer and valued as a person.

I’m off to Rjukan, Norway after the week at Ofcom, for a two week ice climbing trip I’ve been planning since the middle of last year, and despite losing my climbing partner for the trip, and failing to be anywhere near where I would like to be with my strength and fitness training, I feel good about the whole thing, I know that all I need to do to have the trip of my career so far, is to open my mind and let myself believe in myself. This is a feeling I’ve not had before, a knowledge that as long as I try, as long as I trust and let myself run, things will work out ok.

I just need to apply this philosophy to the rest of life, it can all be ok.

simplification

I was going to make my next blog entry a nice positive one about a day out I had last week flying the Pitts Special: it was one of the best days I’ve had in a long, long time and as such is one that I may indeed write about in the future, but for now I just don’t have it in me (sorry Paul).

I spent this weekend up in Scotland failing to climb anything for various reasons, but the main one being a piece of news I received from Phil on Friday evening (I’d headed up on Thursday you see). It would seem that our lives had suddenly become much simpler, or at least they will have once all the initial brouhaha is over and done with…

Possessions…who needs them right? Perspective is something that is often gained rapidly and with almighty clarity when all of a sudden you have none.

Ok, enough of the cryptic – Phil called me to tell me that we’d had a house fire. Mercifully no-one was hurt and we had no animals in the house either, but somehow those hugely important facts don’t feel quite as comforting as they perhaps should when what you’re hearing is “everything’s gone…everything”.

Now that’s all a touch melodramatic, as everything is in actual fact not gone, just covered in a thick layer of noxious black soot – the fire burned itself out in a smouldering pile of molten metal, plastic, carpet and electronic components. It did not follow the more obvious course of setting the bookcase alight and destroying the building as well as all of our worldly possessions for some reason (oxygen starvation most likely according to the fire brigade). So, whilst we do still technically own everything we did before, none of it is ever going to be useable again – the soot and smoke damage is almost total…

So where does that leave us? Well, we are now living in Phil’s cousin’s caravan perched precariously on our driveway, desperately trying to get in contact with the landlady (don’t ask, but until we do, the house insurers still won’t know what’s happened, and we won’t know what’s going to happen to us!), and waiting for our own contents insurers to send out their damage assessor on Friday.

So, life may be crap right now, but at least it’s simple!

 

bitter and twisted

Sadly this is not a positive post, despite a good few days enjoying the wonderful cold and icy conditions Wales has currently been offering.

No, this is not a pleasant musing over some gorgeous ‘alpine’ weather days and beautiful mountain situations.

This, is a rant.

Firstly I want to say a massive thank you to the ‘climber’ (one of a group of three soloists, who were so rude, technically inept and downright dangerous it wasn’t even a good laugh watching), who failed to shout a warning after he dislodged a 2-3kg chunk of ice from the ice fall some 45m above us, and which hit me firmly on the top of the head. If you happen to read this (and I know who you are!) then I would appreciate a payment being sent to me to cover the cost of my new helmet (either cash or cheque would be fine – just email me and I will give you an address to post to). Also, one quick word of advice – either learn how to climb ice competently and thereby safely if you are going to continue soloing routes at all, or just learn to use a rope and gear, that way at least you’ll be a touch safer whilst you flail.

Whoooo. Ok so now that one is off my chest, a slightly less bitter and more generalised rant about winter climbing and the prolific availability of information via the internet.

Now, information and communication can hardly be argued to be a bad thing, and this is not what I am trying to say. However, the likes of the ‘definitive’ conditions blogs and UKC are providing very easy means for every climber who has ever so much as sneezed at an ice route to know where to go to find Welsh ice routes in good condition. Not a bad thing at all you may think? Well it wouldn’t be if the more popular and perhaps more easily accessible or ‘classic’ areas and routes weren’t suddenly being inundated by climbers whose skill levels are often akin to my level of ability at glass blowing (which for those of you who don’t know, is something I have never tried, and therefore something I’m unlikely to be good at…). Routes have long queues (for the sake of your sanity DO NOT go to the Devil’s Kitchen on a weekend, not unless you really want to experience the ice climbing equivalent of Stanage on a sunny bank holiday). The main problem in my mind however, is not so much the need to queue for routes, as people’s complete lack of consideration and etiquette (cat’s cradle with ropes as 3 pairs compete for the same 3m wide strip of ice?!), and often, lack of ability meaning the routes are quite literally being hacked to pieces. How there have not been more accidents lately I do not know.

So please, if you go and climb a classic ice fall that isn’t currently known about by the general population, for god’s sake don’t go and post on UKC about how fabulous it was, or let Baggy Richards know so he can tell the world it is in condition (no offence Baggy, I think your blog and the work you’re doing with it is awesome, but sometimes a little knowledge is good to keep quiet about eh?).

my massively and unfairly prejudiced and bigoted rant about SPA holders

Disclaimer: these words represent the views of myself, me and I alone. No-one else has been involved (directly). These views may vary depending on the mood I’m in and how much chocolate or ice cream I have consumed. This is not a serious piece of writing intended to hurt or belittle, merely a sarcastic and humorous conveyance of some of the stereotypical qualities of the SPA holding climber that either amuse or irritate me. Please do not be offended if any of what you are about to read applies to you (unless you’re the insensitive b*stard who seemed to think I needed to be “hoisted” out of Wen Zawn on Sunday, in which case feel free to take offence).

The SPA – Single Pitch Award: The SPA is the qualification that allows the otherwise average (or often below average) rock climber to assume an air of superiority over their (often technically superior) brethren. All the award actually means is that the holder can charge money to enthusiastic yet naive punters who think that the best way to get into rock climbing is to fork out their hard earned cash to someone often barely capable of climbing the stairs (let alone a serious rock route - the minimum requirement to gain the award is an ability to lead routes graded up to Severe, nothing more). The SPA holder will then be able to shepherd their clients to a popular single pitch crag (usually Stanage) where they will set up top ropes on a number of 3 star super classic routes (it should be noted that they can only supervise one climber at a time, but it’s usually much easier to have a number of routes reserved and readied). Other climbers will watch on in awe – muttering amongst themselves about how “incredible it is” that these beginners in trainers are actually scrabbling up said classics…

SPA requirements: In order to gain an SPA, the applicant should be:

• technically average or below as a climber (struggling on Severe’s is fine, but if you’re cruising around leading at the dizzy heights of VS or even HVS, or you aspire to, you’re probably not really suited to the award).
• intensely knowledgeable (aka a ‘know-it-all’).
• someone having ‘excellent leadership qualities’, i.e. someone who is a bit of a control freak, is deeply anal about insignificant details and possesses a natural feeling of superiority over others.
• a gear freak, preferably one who uses those red plastic boxes to keep everything all nicely separated in the back of their estate car.
• confident and assertive; so that when confronted with a scenario where they can demonstrate their superior knowledge, they are able to do so in the least tactful way possible (this is often demonstrated at the belays of hard grit routes where an unwitting climber may have just onsighted an E5 but is dangerously risking the life of his second by only using a single massive boulder as an anchor, when there are 6 or 7 perfect RP1 placements they would be much better equalising together in a beautiful, yet time consuming, cat’s cradle arrangement).
• self confident; so that when questioned as to why they have set up a top rope using anchors with the carabiner several miles back from the edge of the crag (thus allowing the climbing rope to rub back and forth in a mesmerisingly rhythmic fashion across the fragile, yet sharp, natural rock edge), they are able to very politely inform the well-meaning but misguided soul questioning them, that it’s all ok because they have an SPA so they couldn’t possibly be ‘damaging the rock’, or ‘running the risk of abrading through’ their rope. Obviously.

It appears that it’s not necessarily essential to possess all of the above qualities prior to commencing the training for the SPA, but they are necessary if the holder is to retain any of the value of the award over time. It should also be noted that the listed qualities need to be actively cultivated through regular use at the crag, the indoor wall and even the pub, especially those qualities requiring the application of the ‘air of condescension’ and the elimination of tact.